FILE REF: RET-2110-RECKONING
APPROVED FOR: Reversal (Conditional)
SARCASM LEVEL: 62%
Return Window
You have 30 days from the date of delivery to initiate a return. After 30 days, the shirt has absorbed too much of your personality and cannot be resold. We don’t make the rules. Actually, we do. That’s the rule.
Eligibility
To qualify for a return, your item must be:
- Unworn
- Unwashed
- Free of mysterious stains we don’t want to know about
- In the original packaging
Non-Returnable Items
Gift cards and final sale items cannot be returned. Much like your embarrassing middle-school photos, they are permanent.
How to Initiate a Return
Email us at [your-email@example.com] with:
- Your order number
- The reason for return
- Whether you want a refund or exchange
We will respond with a return address and instructions. Do not send items back without authorization. Unauthorized returns will be filed under “Things We Didn’t Ask For,” alongside most push notifications.
Return Shipping
The customer is responsible for return shipping costs. Original shipping costs are non-refundable. We wish this weren’t the case, but we are not made of cotton. The shirts are.
Refunds
Once your return is received and inspected, we will notify you of approval or rejection. If approved, your refund will be processed within 5–10 business days to your original payment method. Patience is a virtue. So is checking your bank statement.
Exchanges
We only replace items if they are defective or damaged. If you received the wrong item, or if your shirt arrived looking like it lost a fight with a printing press, contact us immediately. We will make it right. Quietly, but right.